How to help your child with their revision
Revision season can feel like a high-pressure marathon for students and parents. Whether your child is revising for SATs, GCSEs, or A-Levels, knowing how to support them (without adding to the stress) can make all the difference. Here's how to help them stay motivated, avoid burnout, and build confidence.
What does and doesn't help with revision
1. Doesn't help: Asking them if they have revised.
2. Doesn't help: Talking about how many hours they put in.
3. Doesn't help: Discussing their exam timetable.
4. Doesn't help: Saying they are revising incorrectly.
5. Doesn't help: Constantly asking if they are ok.
6. Doesn't help: Talking about what they'll do if they fail.
7. Does help: Snacks - lots of them.
8. Does help: Positive re-enforcement - 'You're doing a good job'.
9. Does help: Talking about other things besides revision.
10. Does help: Asking how you can help.
11. Does help: Being positive.
12. Does help: Taking the pressure off other parts of their life.
Let them find their own revision pace
Teens thrive on autonomy, so let your child find their own revision pace. Trying to dictate how, when, or how long to revise often leads to resistance and conflict.
Stepping back helps them build essential skills like time management, self-discipline, and problem-solving. So, trust them to work out what works best to boost their confidence levels. That said, stepping back doesn't mean disengaging. Ensure they know you are there for support, whether that's offering resources or simply being a sounding board.
Ask them how you can help
When stress levels are high, your teen needs your support, but not always advice. What can help is to ask them what they need from you. They may not know, but if they do, it gives you an idea of how to help.
If not, the following can all be helpful:
1. Celebrate small wins with them. If they have finished a complex topic or started revision earlier than usual. Acknowledge it!
2. Be around. This isn't always possible, but ensure they know you are at the end of the phone or downstairs if they need you.
3. If in doubt, think about how you'd want someone to help if a stressful challenge was approaching and you were under time constraints.
4. Do practical things for them, such as ensuring they have enough paper, pens, drinks, and even the space and quietness they need to work.
5. Go easy on them. They will likely take their stress out on you as you're a safe target; be understanding but firm.
Manage your stress levels
Worrying about how your child is revising is normal, but don't let your stress become their stress. Seeing you worried and stressed means one more thing for your child to manage.
Instead of bottling up your anxieties, channel them elsewhere. Talk to other parents in your position about your concerns; look online for Facebook groups where other parents chat about exams and revision.
If your teen does struggle with revision, talk to their teachers and consider booking a tutor. This will put academic support in the hands of a professional, freeing you to focus on emotional encouragement.
Hard as it is, resist the urge to micromanage their revision. Constantly checking in or making suggestions on their work can undermine their confidence.
When to step in
Certain behaviours are a sign of needing help. Perhaps they have hit a revision wall, are fed up or scared and afraid. Your child may not tell you this in so many words, but signs to look out for include:
1. Sleeping all the time.
2. Changes in eating habits.
3. Tearfulness or other signs of anxiety.
4. Bursts of anger.
5. Saying they don't need to revise.
6. Not believing revision will make a difference.
7. They are too distracted by devices and friends.
8. They are too overwhelmed to start.
If they're struggling, ask open-ended questions like, "What's overwhelming you?" or "How can I help?" This way, you can tackle the issue together.
Also, watch out for revision burnout, a state of exhaustion that occurs with prolonged revision. It looks like a loss of motivation and focus and won't improve with more revision.
To help tackle the issue, suggest resting for at least 1-2 days and exploring what's driving the burnout. Is it fear of failure or being overwhelmed by the amount of work? Reassurance is the key here. Exams can be retaken, and work can be broken down so they can cope.
Suggesting your child talk to someone like a teacher or tutor can also be helpful here.
Finally, remember that exam season is challenging, but with the proper support, your child can navigate it. Encourage balance, celebrate small wins, and remind them that exams are just one small part of their story.